Once Upon A Time

Before I want to start my little journey into blogging therapy (ha!), I want to make sure that I tell everyone a little bit of background, so they get to know me first! Every good story has a beginning so here goes:

Once upon a time...there lived a mommy in the area known as the Jersey Shore. She met her now- husband years ago, when she was barely into her twenties. He had a young son (Andrew, 3 at the time), who she started to have a close bond with. A little while after, she was blessed to welcome a fabulous little girl named Cassandra, and even though they were not married, she was the happiest woman in the world. A year later, her dream came true and they were made husband and wife. After many tries, another precious daughter named Sydney came along. And much to their surprise, they welcomed son Grayson 18 months later. 10 months after that, the blended family lived happily ever after.

God I wish. On the surface, all that is true. But there's always a back story, right? The fact that I live at the Jersey Shore is great, but living in a 2 bedroom condo with my family is not lost on me. Yes, I should be happy that I have a roof over my head, and yes, we are planning on moving very very soon, but it still bothers me daily.

Don't forget the battles that my husband and his ex wife have. The fights make me feel horrible, because no one should ever fight this much, ever, and half the time my husband hides them from me just to "protect" me in some odd way. I just wish that there could be civility between them.

Don't forget the reason I left college. I am not ready to actually type it out, but I am close (even though the incident was 11 years ago).

And don't forget the fact that I haven't spoken to my own father in years, and my mother, who I beg to come visit her own grandchildren, will a lot of the time make excuses not to, just because she will always defer to my father. My heart gets broken a lot by this.

Lastly, don't forget to add the post partum depression that still is here. So bad, in fact, that I sometimes don't want to leave the house and just want to be with my kids, which is hard, because I work at a Joe's Crab Shack restaurant, where I spend lots of late night hours. Glorious right?

I want to proceed with another question: with knowing all of this, is anyone willing to proceed and read this, or is it all just unnecessary bitching? I ask because I found that my IG friends are my "net" (Laura in particular xoxo), and I feel like opening up more will help me in my depression, but I am afraid to lose some people. Don't worry: its not ALL going to be a bitch-fest. There's some great things that happen too.

So, what's it going to be? I need to know soon because my mother ACTUALLY visited yesterday and I need to talk about it. Ha!!

xoxo